fitshaven

Title: I'm on the edge of a cliff, surpassing comfort and security, Part One
Fandom/Pairing: Twilight, Edward/Jacob
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2416
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not claim to own Twilight or the characters associated with it.
Warnings: Angst for Jake. What else is new?
Short Summary: Just one kiss and he's on fire, one that refuses to be put out. A fire that is slowly but surely, going to drive him insane and into the arms of the enemy.
Notes: This is going to be a two parter. I prefer one shots, but this thing refuses to be that. The title is taken from Patrick Wolf's song Wind in the Wires, and I highly recommend you listen to it after here because it's pretty much the theme of this fic and it's also beautiful. Everything from Patrick is beautiful, though. I'm most definitely biased since I love him, but seriously, listen to the song and watch the video.

White, hot fire is ignited within a kiss between two enemies. That fire spreads rapidly through him and Jacob phases, hoping that his wolf form will force it out. It doesn’t, and Jacob races through the forest, needing everything around him to fade. The problem, Jacob realizes as he picks up speed, is that the fire within him is still present and spreading further and faster despite his efforts to put it out.

.

Raindrops meet his skin at random, falling upon his cheek, his mouth, his chin. Over and over they touch him, cooling his fever for seconds before they disappear. They are no match for his unnaturally high temperature. He wonders if ice would be a better choice, if it would last longer than the rain. Something has to work. Something has to drive this burning right out of him, take it away, so far away that it can never return.

Jacob has yet to find whatever will do that. Cold showers, cold baths, air conditioning and rain have so far done nothing. He is burning, swears a fire is within him, keeping him aflame. It has been days and no one has found the source of his problem.

Maybe, if Jacob was truthful, they would. He cannot allow anyone to know, though. It would be embarrassing and he would never be able to face his brothers again. No, he’ll keep it to himself and continue on his quest to end this on his own. There has to be an end. There’s always an end to everything, and Jacob is positive he’ll find his soon enough.

Just do it, a small voice says. He blinks, growls, and sits up, dragging his hands along the wet grass beneath as his body moves. Right now, he really hates that voice inside of him, the one that encourages something that would be so unforgivable. The fever has begun to make him insane, he’s sure of it. Nothing else can explain the ideas going through his head.

Grinding his teeth together in fury, Jacob stands and takes off, running, faster and faster. If he runs fast enough, he’ll rid himself of these wrongs. If he runs fast enough, he’ll escape from this hell he has caused all on his own. This is no one else’s fault, just his.

Stupid fuck up. That’s you, Black. You’re a stupid fuck up and need to chill out before you fuck everything else up, too.

His surroundings blur as he runs faster, and nothing - nothing - else exists.

For now.

.

“I brought you a Coke,” Emily announces as she reenters his living room. Jacob somehow manages a smile and gives it to her, because this is Emily and she deserves nothing else but smiles and happiness.

Even if she does see right through him.

“Thanks, Em,” he murmurs, accepting the ice-cold drink. He takes three sips, feeling grateful, but like everything else, it does nothing for him. He still burns and his hold on the glass causes the contents to boil in seconds.

It becomes too hot for him to handle and drops the glass. It shatters as it meets the floor and Jacob feels worse than he did before. “Shit! I’m sorry!” He quickly stands, intent on cleaning the mess up, but is stopped as Emily grabs his arm.

“Jacob, please, just tell me what’s wrong,” she begs, her dark eyes pleading with him. He shakes his head, refusing to tell anyone, especially Emily, about this.

“I can’t,” he whispers. “I can’t do that. You’d hate me, Emily. You would despise me if you knew.”

Emily’s grasp on his arm tightens and it surprises him. He had no idea Emily was this strong. Then again, it makes sense, considering everything she has gone through in her life, with Sam, with Leah, and with herself. Jacob doesn’t want to be added to that list, though. He doesn’t want to be something Emily has to go through. He wants to continue being, “Just Jake”. And to do that, he can’t tell her. As much as it pains him to see Emily looking at him like that, he just can’t.

“How can you say that to me after everything?” she whispers, still refusing to let him go. “Before, you wouldn’t think twice and would confide in me. Now, you can’t even look at me. Do you know how that makes me feel, Jacob?”

“I’m sor—“

“Don’t apologize,” Emily interrupts, her voice so bitter that Jacob nearly doesn’t recognize it as her own. “Don’t you dare, Jacob Black.”

She leaves then, quickly, without saying another word and Jacob is left standing there, her tight grip still felt on his arm. When he finally does move, the glass crunches beneath his shoes, scratching the wooden floor, leaving marks, and leaving Jacob with a reminder of this moment.

Another that he would rather forget.

.

Days pass and he still burns, though not as much as before. Jacob should be pleased by this, but he isn’t. He’ll be pleased when he’s back to what he considers normal. Until then he searches for a way to make that happen, to get himself back. He has plenty of free time now that Sam has ordered him to take a break from pack duties. He’s positive that was Emily’s doing, and he’s not sure if he should thank her or hate her.

With so much time to himself, he’s allowed to think, and thinking what he does, it’s not a good thing. Not at all. In his silence, his thoughts drift to the what if’s and maybe’s. It is all so wrong and Jacob so badly wants everything to be right again. This isn’t fair. He didn’t ask for any of this.

He didn’t ask to be set on fire. Especially not by…

“No,” he grunts. Hands in his hair, he stands and stalks out of his bedroom and down the stairs, ignoring his father’s questions. After he’s slammed the front door with so much force that it cracks down the middle, he takes off, needing to run, needing to forget.

Even if it is only temporary.

So he does. Jacob sprints through the forest, jumping over fallen trees, twisting and turning here and there just to get away from everything that’s shackled him down for over a week now. There’s no way for him to be chained to anything when he runs. He is free and the feel of the wind against his skin is a comfort that he cannot find in anything else.

Jacob ends up farther than he ever has before and his surroundings are not familiar. Coming to a halt, he inhales and smells it later than he should. It’s too late. All he can do now is brace himself, and that is exactly what he does as the sickly sweet scent grows closer and closer until it’s right there in front of him.

Only, it isn't anyone he expected, and he furrows his brow.

“What are you doing here?” the female leech hisses, her lithe body curling into the position to attack. Her nails dig into the ground and she growls at him, her honey eyes blazing in accusation.

With a shake of his head, Jacob composes himself and bares his teeth. “What’s it to you, leech?”

“You shouldn’t be here, puppy. It’s dangerous,” she threatens.

Jacob snorts, suddenly finding himself amused by this bloodsucker, which is a nice change considering all the others he has had to deal with. “Dangerous? Are you serious? I could tear you to pieces in seconds, leech. In fact, if you want, I can do just that.”

“You’re brave,” she says, her body relaxing then and as she stands, Jacob steps back from her. “I thought you weren’t scared?” Smiling – no, leering at him now, she walks to him, slowly, moving in a way that pulls him in, but when she is so close that he can feel her frigid breath, he blinks and finds himself pinned against a tree.

“I… what the hell?” he exclaims and raises his arms, ready to shove her away. She presses against him, though, which immediately stops him and he’s so shocked he can’t think of a thing to say. No leech has ever acted like this with him before.

“I’m Tanya,” she says with a wide smile.

He swallows, and then looks at her like she has two heads. “And why would I care?”

“I’m only trying to be kind, puppy. Is that so wrong?”

Her voice sounds as sweet as she smells and Jacob knows he should do something, be what he is, rip her damn hands off for moving down his chest, but he can’t. For some reason, he can’t do it.

“Oh, won’t you tell me your name?” she asks, batting her eyelashes at him. “Or, do you actually like being called a puppy? Is that it? Is it, puppy?”

“No,” he grits out in annoyance. “I most definitely do not like being called a puppy. And I don’t like being baited by a damn leech, either.”

She giggles. “I promise I’ll stop if you tell me your name.”

Rolling his eyes, he gives up. What’s the harm in telling her his name, really? “Jacob,” he says. “The name’s Jacob.”

Nodding politely, Tanya takes two steps back and begins to leer again. Jacob crosses his arms, starting to get really pissed off at her, and soon, he’s thinking about different ways to wipe that annoying smile right off her bloodsucking face. That is, until her voice interrupts his violent and exceptionally detailed thoughts.

“Well, Jacob, I find it particularly interesting that you happen to smell like a friend of mine.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he demands. She has to be bluffing. She can’t possibly know.

“You know exactly what I am talking about, Jacob. There’s no need to pretend with me. I won’t judge you.” Tanya smiles, this time in a way that doesn’t piss Jacob off, but he refuses to give in. There’s no way in hell he’ll ever do that.

“You’re crazy,” he says simply.

Tanya inhales his scent deeply and then shakes her head. “No, Jacob. The scent is there. It is fading, but it is right there, on your burning skin,” she whispers. Intrigue crosses her features and she quirks an eyebrow. “Now how on earth could that have happened?”

The desire to rip her head off intensifies as her expression further infuriates him. Her tone is even worse and Jacob hates that she is mocking him. She knows precisely how that scent could end up on his skin and she is trying her damndest to get him to say it. He won’t. He will not do it.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your bloodsucking mouth shut,” he growls at her. “I’m warning you, Tanya, stay the fuck out of it, and don’t get on my bad side.”

“But, Jacob, I think I’ll like your bad side,” she says flirtatiously.

She’s done it. In an instant, she is in his hold. He slams her up against the tree so hard it nearly cracks and he begins to tremble. It’s coming. The wolf is howling within him, begging for release, begging to be let free to kill the filthy leech within his grasp. Jacob growls, feeling his body temperature rise so much more from pure fury and Tanya simply stares at him, looking very bored.

“No need to get so testy, wolf” she drawls. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Jacob moves away from her so quickly, as though she has burned him when that isn’t possible. He watches her, wondering if she is being truthful, if he can trust her, and the thought of actually trusting a leech makes him feel ill. This is wrong, like everything else in his life now, and he worries that soon, what was once wrong will become right. And if that happens, Jacob knows he’ll never go back to before because that life will no longer exist.

The clock is ticking, and Jacob is losing himself as each second passes.

.

His own dreams betray him; they pull him down into the desires he’s tried so desperately to keep hidden from the world and from himself. They draw him in as bright flames lick at his skin and dark eyes meet his. A voice in his mind screams at him to look away, but he isn’t able to. In this secret place, he doesn’t want to.

Those eyes beckon him and he gives in to everything he’s been fighting against in the waking world. Ice encircles his body, slips deep within him and the fire that’s been burning for what seems like forever now is put out as a mouth claims his in a searing kiss. Nails dig into his flesh, pulling him closer and closer until he becomes part of something – part of someone.

“Jacob, don’t fight this,” a voice murmurs against his lips. This voice isn’t the one that has been in his mind, nagging and yelling and telling him to stop, to get away, to run as fast as he can. This voice belongs to the enemy, and Jacob knows he should listen to his instincts, but he doesn’t. He stays, if only because it’s a dream and there won’t be true consequences when he wakes except for his own war against himself reigniting once again.

“I want you,” he hears himself say. Finally admitting it is a shock and his body begins to tremble, but strong hands hold his shoulders and keep him still.

A crooked smile is the answer he’s given before that mouth finds his again. He’s drowning now, sinking until there’s no light left above him and he doesn’t care. He wants this, even if he can only admit it in a dream, he wants this. So he stays in the darkness with his desire and allows himself have it, allows himself feel right in what should be wrong.

.

Those same eyes from Jacob’s dream watch the slumbering wolf in curious fascination. Fingertips trace the shape of his mouth. They soak up the warmth that Jacob exudes and burn the sensation of that warmth into eternal memory.

“You always were full of surprises, Black,” Edward Cullen muses as he pulls his hand back and stands. “I predict our next meeting will be far more interesting than the last now that you’ve so generously given me the upper hand.”